I can't watch pbs sober anymore
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
