do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
