it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
