I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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