He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
