Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
