yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
false alarm, still single
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
