I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
