Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
