Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Text me some of your sweat
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