This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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