I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
as a side note pls kill me
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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