You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
