I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
