I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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