The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
