He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
