At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
