If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
