marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
third nipple confirmed
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
