tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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