i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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