Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
