At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
