If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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