Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
