soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
