If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
