if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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