Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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