Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
