i was rollin on her like bob the builder
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
