oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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