But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
