I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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