I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
you inspire me to be a worse person
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
