I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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