i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
