just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
