apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
