question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
