I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
