He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
