I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
