I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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