this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
