things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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