how hairy? two words: wookie tits
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
