Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
