i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
