Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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