Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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