I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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