So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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