just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
